---

WINDOWS ME - MILLENIUM EDITION OR MILLION ERRORS?
That's what I wonder, what ME really stands for. The other day, Mr. Lopez, of Dell (Computer from Hell) Corp. told me that there had been 40 critical updates to the Windows ME program. Now, take some little old lady who bought it (and hundreds of thousands of little old ladies did) and thereby got cheated by Microsoft, because how could they cope with it? It's impossible for them to have done so, absolutely impossible.

I did a "critical update" this week, and one of them simply will not "install." My GURU came over to see what was wrong and told me it is exactly the same thing he spent two hours on yesterday, on his wife's computer! It still does not work. He spent half an hour here today and it still does not work in my DELL (FROM HELL).

SCREWED, BLEWED AND TATTOOED BY DELL & MICROSOFT
A program that required 40 (THAT'S FORTY) critical updates is little more than CRAP, in my estimation (and that of millions of others). We got schnockered by DELL and Microsoft. Cheated. Screwed. Programs MUST be designed so that the average person, or a senior citizen (like me) can use them with ease! MUST!

OUTHOUSE EXPRESS
Please, take a letter Miss Jones, for Mr. Bill Gates,
Regarding: ME’s forty Critical Updates.
And please send a copy to my friend, Michael Dell,
The guy who stuck me with that Computer from Hell.
Tell him it just froze up again the other night,
Installing a Critical Update that just wasn’t right.
Just to have a Program that works, such foolish dreams,
Instead, it’s a patchwork quilt coming apart at the seams.

I’ve no degree as a Computer Engineer,
I’m a simple guy, one who enjoys a cold beer,
Who likes to send emails to a nephew or friend,
And surfing the Internet’s marvels without end,
For such simple joys, shouldn’t a computer be
Easy to use and virtually trouble free?
But then, I get this damn Dimension from Dell,
That I’ve finally named, the Computer from Hell.

I’ve been thinking of calling one segment…Outhouse Express,
Because when it locks up, it’s such a stinking mess,
My car gives me less trouble and it’s twelve years old,
While in three years Windows ME is ready to fold
It’s no longer supported by Gate’s company?
‘Cause they’ve too many problems with Windows ME?
Twelve hundred and more for a Dimension from Dell,
But what you get might be a Computer from Hell!