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AN ENGINE THAT WORKS
When I buy a car, it's nice to be able to get in, turn on the key and hear the engine start, put it in gear and find that it moves forward or backward, turn the wheel and find that it goes left or right as you wish. That's what it is supposed to do, right. If it falls apart too soon, then you're angry and you take it right back to the dealer and demand that he fix it. You demand the factory pay for the repairs, that is, if the problem is not that you ran it into a bridge support at 80 mph.

Computers also have an engine, most of them one that is developed by Microsoft and called Windows 95, 98, ME, XP or some such other terminology. This engine, first developed by a so-called genius named Bill Gates is supposed to satisfactorily operate your computer when you turn it on. Right? Well, some do, some don't, at least not the way you expect them to do. You want something dependable, but son, to me that ain't what you get.

With Windows 95, I often got that damn infernal, stupid moronic message "This program has committed an illegal operation and will now shut down."

Oh, how I hated that message. How frustrating. If I wrote one email, I wrote 50, to Microsoft, saying: "The only illegal operation I know is an abortion, and the use of this terminology is an abortion." They would always reply, saying they'd received my message, but finally a manager called and said that she was going to bring up my letters at the next supervisors meeting. I spoke with at least 50 people about that message and everyone said it was scary and that they hated it, thinking they'd done something wrong. Well, I don't know what results my message produced, because no one ever wrote me about that meeting. I hope the coffee and cookies were good, anyway, so that it wasn't a total waste of time.

I also wrote about the "fatal" message.

But, Windows ME is another real abortion. We've been saddled with Microsoft's misscarriage this time, the afterbirth clogging up the innards of our computers. I have wasted more time trying to keep this program going than all the others (3) put together. I have spent more money on a guru solving some of these problems than Michael Dell got from me for the computer and ME program. You turn the key to this engine and it sputters and dies. Now that's real Mierda del Toro to me.

Dell wants me to uninstall and then install again Windows ME. Now, to me, that is like a mechanic getting a hoist, liftring the faulty engine out of your car, leaving it suspended over your car overnight, and then dropping it back in the following morning, cinching up all the bolts, connecting up the plugs and hoses, saying it is fixed, then turning the key in the ignition and guaranteeing that you've made some progress.

Wow. Thanks Michael Dell. Thanks a lot. I'm now going to be a loyal devoted Dell client for life, believe me. Mierda del Toro! Meet me in downtown Solvang and I'll buy you lunch at the Danish Inn. You're a real buddy, believe me.

I've lost hours and days trying to figure out the glitches. Now, perhaps some is due to my stupidity, but then, I am not a computer genius. They're selling these things to us old fogeys and telling us that we need one, that we can operate it, that it is worth our time and money.

Michael, if it is not as warranted, then put a label on it: THIS PRODUCT IS FOR AGES 8 TO 52. OPERATORS 53 OR OLDER, BEWARE. CAUTION. YOUR SANITY IS AT STAKE. ALSO DANGEROUS TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.