---

CONVERSATION WITH A MASS MURDERER!

Dear Congressman Sam Farr:

Some months ago I read a story in the Los Angeles Times about your visit to Cuba, with a Congressional Fact Finding Committee, and that you were granted a personal Audience with His Holiness, the Pope of Havana, a.k.a La Maxima Cucaracha Fidel Castro. I also have heard that before being ushered into the presence of His Holiness, the Pope of Havana, you were carefully instructed in the protocal to be observed in His Presence. This is my report of that visit:

First, the Congressman was ushered into the room by two of Las Cucarachitas dressed in red suede leggings and white lace blouses with the hammer and sickle on the back, and then he carefully followed their instructions.

Directly after entering the room where His Holiness, the Pope of Havana, was ensconsed upon a golden oval throne, suspended above a light brown porcelein bowl, and following protocol, he touched his forehead to the ground three times in obiesence to the Great Executioner, then proceeded forward by crawling upon his knees until he was in a position to kiss Fidel's big toes, protruding through his socks, of each foot. Upon completion of this simple ceremony, His Holiness put his Army boots back on his feet and stood up in all his regal splendor. This ceremony is very sacred in Havana, and we understand that it is reserved solely for visiting U.S. Congressmen who have left arms longer than their right ones.

After going through this procedure, Las Cucarachitas placed a cushion by His Holiness, the Pope of Havana's, left side for the good Congressman to sit upon. And there he remained until 5:30 a.m. Cuban time, transfixed by the words of wisdom droned on and on and on by La Maxima Cucaracha.

CHAP. II, CONG. SAM FARR LISTENS TO THE THE POPE OF HAVANA

During the course of the evening, food and drink was served to the Congressman there on the floor at the feet of Fidel, while he paid rapt attention to each word uttered by His Holiness, y Jefe de las Cucarachitas. The dinner conversation went on and on throughout the night, the Congressman enthusiastically uttering in his best Spanish (which he learned in South America), "Si" and "Si" and "Si" throughout the evening. In spite of his own gift of gab and fluent Spanish, he found it quite difficult to get a "Si" in here and there, now and then as His Holiness continuously waved his arm around and droned sonorously on and on, like a buzzing horse-fly circling around and around and around a pile of horse manure in the stable on a hot summer afternoon. The night dragged slowly on, but La Maxima Cucaracha never ceased his droning, and gained his second wind before he had lost his first, and then his third before he'd run out of his second wind. Long noted for his marathon speeches, perhaps the longest winded phony in the world today, His Holiness spoke to his breathless and mesmerized guests for five hours. Spellbinding! The greatest Bullshitter in the world today lived up to his reputation, while Cong. Farr worshipped at his feet, and tried to memorize each word uttered by the Pope of Havana.
.
But Congressman had one trick up his sleeve, he had had the forethought to bring some of the finest Robert Mondavi wine along, and His Holiness, the Pope of Havana, graciously posed, holding a bottle aloft in typical Fifth Avenue fashion. What wonderful posters can be made for the UCSC students, as well as those at Berkeley! What a marvelous coup for CAPITALISM to have the World's most diminutive Communist championing an American venture, thanks to Congressman Farr!

Most impressive to me was the interest in our economy shown by His Holiness, the Pope of Havana, and his most unusual offer, using your kind services as intermediary, to assist the U.S. government in certain matters of finance. This was a most commendable gesture on his part.

We often forget that mass murderers may have other talents that make them useful and contributing members of society, i.e. Charles Manson was a guitarist and songwriter. Then there is Richard Speck, who killed 8 nurses, who now has large hanging breasts after taking female hormones, and presto--a new occupation while in prison. Thus society loses many beneficial services, truly depriving the world what might be termed the hidden genius of such people.

As we learn from Christian teachings, there is good and bad in all of us.

It is well that you can overlook his murderous regime, and his personal record of assassinations, as well as the thousands of political prisoners serving long terms in his jails and prison camps, because that might have caused you to doubt his sincerity and inner goodness. After all, doesn't he bless the little kids, and didn't he hold a special Birthday Party for little Elian? Look at the coverage the world's press gave him, especially the great American papers.

Chap. III

Four or five hours later, Cong. Farr did begin to find openings to use his Spanish. Perhaps age has dulled the rapier-like wit (rhymes with shit) of the congenial (but murderous) dictator.

Fidel handed out cigars to everyone and cautioned the Americans present that these were the highest quality Cubans, and that they were only to smoked and not for other purposes, as he'd heard was more common in the U.S., but he did mention that the cigars should at least be carefully snubbed out first, as a precaution.

He then leaned down and lit Cong. Farr's cigar. The Congressman's heart gave a leap, a double leap, and for a moment he looked right into the eyes of His Holiness, the Pope of Havana, and he imagined that he had seen the essence of all his goodness in that instant, and he was overjoyed.

Chap. IV

Liberal politicians are like the three monkeys, the ones who see no Evil, hear no Evil, and speak no Evil of other Liberals or Communists. They cannot recognize Evil in any form unless, yes, unless they imagine it in a Conservative. The aims and purposes of Liberalism must be achieved at any cost, hence Cong. Farr's worshipful attitude at the foot of the throne occupied by His Holiness.