THE CUBAN COW

Liberal America is crying. Liberal Americans are really weeping, the teardrops running down their cheeks and dropping off their chins. Why? Well, they're so upset because Cuban children have no milk to drink! There is such a shortage of milk in Cuba that it's rationed. Children up to twelve or thirteen years of age they get a glass of milk a day at school, but even then, it might only be soy milk. Soy? That's a spanish word, as in "Yo soy". I guess that means I milk or some such thing. Anyway, it sounds like the National motto for Havana, doesn't it?

Canadian, English and French Liberals will tell you that the reason Cuban children don't milk is because of the Embargo. Canadian Liberals will often refer to it as a Blockade. American Socialists or Communists, like that most-active California Octogenerian, Luis Segui, will also tell you that it is really a Blockade. There is a commonality between Blockhead and Blockade, be they Americans, French, English, Canadians or Spanish socialists, communists, or even vaguely liberal.

But, I digress. I meant to discuss Cuban cows, a large creatures with a horned head, four legs and usually four teats. No, I'm wrong. Cuban cows in recent years are known to have only three teats, or even just two, depending uipon which side of the island they graze. Since the bloackade is between the Island of Cuba and the United States, the ones on the western side of Cuba are most likely to have only two teats, and Bush is the one they blame for cows that only develop two teats. Two teated cows give less than half as much milk as a four-teated cow, you know, and that is because of the Blockade imposed upon Cuba for more than forty years.

ENGLISH, FRENCH AND CANADIANS AND HISTORY

Socialists and Communists have their own version of history, so the fact that Christopher Columbus brought the first cows and a bull to this hemisphere and sent them ashore in Cuba, founding the cattle industry in the New World, an industry that grew and grew until the Cubans were exporting millions of tons of beef to other countries in B.C. (Before Castro). But, that does not mean a thing to them.

The fact that from that day (when Columbus set them ahsore) forth, Cuba had milk, and as the populati0n grew, so did the cattle industry and the beef industry and certainly, the supply of milk for Cuban children. Even poor Cuban children had milk in Cuba in B.C. (Before Castro) Also, all Cuban cows had four teats in those days and the supply of milk was more than adequate so that they could also make butter, and eventually, some of the best ice cream in the world, even mango flavored ice-cream.

COWS ARE CAPITALIST TOOLS

Now, you give a man, any man, a cow, and almost automatically you have created a capitalist. Unless he has 18 kids, there will be milk to sell, butter too, cream as well, all from a single animal. Even if that cow is starving, the owner knows enough to put a bucket under the rear end and sell what comes out for fertilizer! He knows that every part of that animal has a use, and if he ends up with only the skull and horns, he'll grind up the horns and sell them to the Chinese as an age-old remedy for a dangling participle, as an aphrodisiac.

So, Communist governments know better than to give a man a cow. That's too dnagerous. They take the cows away from the farmers, from the ranchers, from the diarymen and they hand them all over to some dodo of a communist functionary. Now, that cow or those cows belong to the people. It is a communist cow! Well, true communists do not believe in hard work, that's only for political prisoners. They'd milk the cow, but why bother with four teats? Pull one or two teats for awhile, then quit to go to a committee meeting. By the time the committee has finished talking about milk production, you go back and give the third teat a few pulls and it is time to quit.

There are usually more cows than a true communist wants to milk anyway and the committee decides to butcher them because the people need meat, but the government needs money, so after they butcher them, they export the meat and the people have neither milk nor meat.

Castro, being the government, the money is deposited in his bank account in England or France. Back in Cuba the fourth teat is shrinking on most Cuban cows, and on some cows where the committee meetings are extra long, even the third teat is shrinking in size.

Cows would maintain four teats if they calved regularly, but Havana does not allow that either. Anyone with real balls in Cuba is a threat to Castro, and if they're not executed, they're thrown into jail. So, Castro has a healthy fear of bulls, because of the size of their balls. They get slaughtered quickly, and that's more beef exported to fill his bank accounts.

Darwin now enters the picture. If you don't use it, you'll lose it, as the saying goes. Around1985, Cuban cows began showing up with three teats or even just two teats. It is well known that you don't ever blame communists for mistakes, you find someone else to blame! Soon, these were called Reagan cows, then Bush (Sr.) cows, then Clinton cows, and now Bush cows again.

RESTRICTING STUDENTS FROM HARVARD AND YALE

The Canadian socialists even sent groups of students down to Havana to study the phenomenom, and they wrote papers on it and called them "Blockade Cows". They denied that it had anything to do with Darwin's theories and studies. In some parts of Cuba, the committee meetings are taking up most of the day and some cows are now showing signs of the second teat shrinking up, making it a strong possibility that one day all cows in Cuba may have smaller udders and a single teat. (The prostitutes in Havana, being capitalists, have taken note of this and make certain that clients give equal attention to both and studies indicate that Cuban women show no signs of losing either one of two normal breasts or any reduction in size).

Harvard and Yale also sent students down to examine the two and three teated cows, but when the students began fondling the udders, and developed other strange quirks, and two Senators threatened to withhold government funding, they quickly canceled the courses, and offered instead a study of whether Lesbian mothers could nurse.

Just like the sugar cane industry, the cattle industry had been an udder loss since the Castro forces entered Havana, A cow is a threat to the government and to society, so children continue to suffer trhe consequences of communist policies. Fortunately, Fidel still has Bush to blame. Sen. Kerry should be grateful that he lost, otherwise the plight of Cuban children would fall upon his head. A cow in the field in back of every rural home would soon solve the problem, but those cows would automatically create capitalists and that, no matter what the price Cubans are forced to pay, Castro cannot allow.